Going through my previous posts feels like picking up pieces of me I dropped along the way. I suddenly feel a lot of things; things in the present are making sense all of the sudden. Memories gushing through my head - a bit too fast, literally giving me headaches. It's funny reading it back, knowing all the details to what exactly happened for each post. 

I have trust issues. And most of the times I have insecurities issues. I know, people are all insecure, but me, hah. I'm a bit too insecure. I think of things that aren't even real sometimes. So, I tend to not tell a lot. I don't put much details in my writing because I don't want to reveal things to readers. I want to keep most of the story to myself, but I just want to share my emotions. Weird really, cause then why write? 

Well, writing helps me a bit. I have anxiety and I need to distract myself most of the time; back then writing calmed me down. I'm just talking to myself in different form, but I suppose it feels better. It feels better because I know there are chances people are reading this. They may not care, but they are reading. So, I guess knowing that somehow made me feel like I'm a part of something. I forgot how that felt. I forgot a lot of things, really. 

Reading back all of my writings gave me back emotions I thought I no longer have. It also made me realised how much my life didn't change. I thought for so many years, my life would be different, but the changes can barely be seen. Funny.

I also realised that some feelings never change. There were some posts that gave me the same chills I got when I wrote it. Some were long gone. Some were surprisingly weird. I didn't expect I had written it. I guess I enjoy reading them back. Sometimes, I just need to know that I've felt things and I've gone through a lot of things and I still made it till today; the remainders of yesterday becomes the motivation for today.