negativity

It's such a burden trying to convince yourself to think the other way. I can't train my brain anymore to be thinking positive of things. I'm just so worn out with trying and thinking good things about life. There are bad things out there, why should I keep lying to myself and keep saying that things are gonna be alright? So what if things aren't gonna settle? There will be things that are just gonna stay hung by a thread. I can't expect to see the light at the end of all the tunnels. There will be tunnels that has no ends. It's covered by rocks caused by earthquake or something. Or that the end just happened to be closed because of construction. Maybe one day it'll make it's way out. Maybe I'll figure a way out. But I'm just gonna let that day come by later. Now, I'm not gonna burden myself by thinking that I can do it. I have to face the fact that I can't and it's not wrong. Maybe I'm just meant to do something  else. Maybe there are people in life that we have to leave to make peace to ourselves. Maybe there are people who we need so much, but can't be there and it's okay if you don't like it. You can't suppose to like things you know you hate. You don't have to learn to like it if you don't want to. So the person's too busy to company you, and you hate it. Just hate it. Why not? You have your own rights too. There are things you can tolerate with and you are okay with it, yet there are things that you just don't have to tolerate with. It's a waste of time and energy. If you now you can't do it, you don't have to. Maybe later you're ready, then you'll try again. There's so many things out there to explore, to do, and you can't waste it on something just because you feel like have to be positive of it. 

Fat

I super hate the fact that when you lose weight, the first thing that you lose are the fats at the chest and the booty. But when you gain weight, they're are the last place to gain anything. Ergh. Super annoying.

A mess

It's awfully painful to suddenly lose a person who was once so close to you. Despite all the differences, the weirdness, and the awkwardness, you've been thru together for so long and it's just sad to see it all go the other way. 

So many plans left unattended. So many promises left broken. 

The worst part is when you don't even know what happened. It's like suddenly you wake up the next morning, and you just got your brain refreshed. You just have to make adjustments to all the changes because you don't what to do, what to say. 

It's like I left a week in reality to go to Jupiter, and when I came back, this happened.

If it is true, why did I ever come back to reality? If I knew this was going to happen, I'd be happy to just stay wherever I was before and not face all of this.

It's a mess. But I guess everyone goes down to that point where leaving and forgetting is the only way out. And I suppose if you can do it, I can too.

Dear little heart

Stop feeling things you're not suppose to; the negative ones won't get you anywhere but the pit hole of misery.

Stop doubting other people; if they say they love you, they truly mean it. 

Stop doubting yourself; you are great in your own way.

Dear little heart,

Love yourself more because no one could save you but yourself.

Random

I have so many of these random posts. I can't really explain how things are going right now. My life has been going on that same pace. I don't really see anything happening in the nearest future, but hey. It's life we're talking about. We plan things, but God says it all.  So, I'm constantly looking forward for a better day. Hoping that there'll come a day where it all starts to make sense. :)

Yay. It's a wrap.

Now this all makes sense. I'm not the messed up one. You're the one messing up with my life. I have to be strong and leave all of this. I don't need one to destroy my life. I don't get why I'm trying too hard to keep something that is not at all making me happy, or even trying to. 

God, I've been stupid all this while.

You

You can be with someone for years and years and still not know them.

And there are more times when you take them for granted rather than really appreciating their existence in your life. 

It's confusing, really.

I've learnt that you don't need a lot of people close to you. It's fun to have different companions every now and then, but I know now that I need just a few to make my whole world. 

I'll keep losing people through my whole life, but I know for one, that the important ones can never go far from me. 

We all are hard on ourselves sometimes.

And there are times when we feel like killing ourselves because we just can't go on facing failures and criticisms of who we are.

Too fat, too short, not smart enough, not cool enough, too slow.

Craps.

Why do we have to take the craps?

You know what?

I'm very sure that I am better than you. Not to boast myself or make myself be more of a bitch than you.

But I can ensure you that all your trash talk and your judgments won't bring me down because I know what I'm capable of. You may portray yourself as being so cool and confident, but you're not.

You're just that one person who talks behind others to make yourself feel better about yourself. And I won't be one of those people that you can bring down easily by showing how good you are. Because no matter what, I'll always be better than you.

rantings

This is actually weird you know. I'm a blogger and I've been blogging for all I remember. Six, seven years? How many times have I changed my URL? How many times have I deleted my blogs? Countless I tell you. This is actually a sad moment for me. I can't blog anymore. 

All of a sudden, my brain and my heart won't work together anymore. And the words of the world are just not enough for me to express the things on my mind. Too many things going too fast. Can't capture the moments at all. It's like, rushing all at once and all I can do is sigh and look at it pass. It's sad, really.

I am constantly lost. I'm always telling that aren't I?

But I can't get people to understand my situation. I blame my lack of talent in writing and expressing. Then again, maybe my situation is just nothing. It's just me over thinking again. 

I wanna be able to write again. To share all the things in my life without having to think whether or  not people will read, or what they're thinking whilst reading.

I changed, and the hardest part about changing is to change back.

I almost do

What has been a part of you, will always be a part of you.

No Strings Attached

Nothing more to do. 

Serves me right and so now I'm watching No Strings Attached.

I need ice-cream and chocolate, please.

verge

“Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart
Of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants
The way it stops and starts”

I still can't figure out how to control myself.

I'm at the verge of losing myself.

October

Literally how I feel right now.