Drafted (28th September 2013)

How sure can you be about something?

How sure are you that what you're doing now will be worth all the fights and struggle?

It can be years of suffering before you can finally see the end result.

How can you be so strong going through all that?

What if the one you let go is actually the one you should be holding on to? 

How am I suppose to know that?

I know, people say you have to believe. 

But believing alone is not gonna be enough now, would it?

What if deep down, there's just an instinct saying things in the future are gonna be different.

Sure, I heard about what we think will affect the things happening in the future,

but, what if I want to think that way

Because I want the future to be that way?

Activities

I wanna be able to draw.

I wanna be able to sing.

I wanna be able to dance.

I wanna be able to do a lot of things.

Not that any of that will make people fall in love with me.

Not that any of that will make people like me more.

But I just wanna know that I am trying all my best.

Maybe someone would like me. 

Stay

"You will learn that the saddest word in the English language is 'stay'. Whether it’s your mother’s voice whispering it before you leave for college, or your ex-lover’s desperate screams as you walk out of the house, it will always be a hard word to hear. Sometimes you should listen to it, other times you shouldn’t. Trust yourself. Go with your gut."

Source - Tumblr

It is true. Hearing the word 'stay', you just can't decide.

Suddenly you're sucked into another dimension, into another world.

I can't do 'this' anymore

The day you said 'I can't do "this" anymore' I went into a deep hole of my own imagination.

At that very moment, I was so lost.

I didn't know whether if I should be saying, 'Don't say that' or 'Okay, maybe we should stop.'

I wasn't sure if I should ask you to stay, or just let it go already.

I was unsure for the one thing I was very sure of.

I'm very confused.

All I know is that you deserved to do what you wanted to.

I guess I shouldn't bring you into my world of confusion.

And you for one, deserve so much better.

And I want to be that person.

But right now, I can't be that person.

I am in a deep deep confusion.

I truly hope the future brings us on the same path again.

And at that time, you'll realize how prepared I am and how better of a person I am.

And to God I pray, I'm not too late.

Loooooooooooooooooong

Ah, I have not visited this space for so long now!

What has been going on?

Wow! 5 months and nothing.

It's funny really.

Every time I go missing, I appear again, and apparently I am still alive, which is good. 

Have I been too happy to turn to my sanctuary?

Well, no. I've just been very...well, I don't know.

I just came on to say, 'Hi! I'm alive.'

Asasi

Believe me when I say, I'd trade anything to be back in my asasi years.

Just something I wish you know

You don't know what you've put me through.

I just wish you'd at least care.

But yeah, we can never satisfy a person, really.

So, yeah.

For us

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

But isn't it so tiring? To be fighting, and fighting? 

When do I know when to stop?

Picture has nothing to do with the post

Commitment is so overrated.

I'm not looking forward to any kind of commitment, yet.

I don't see any positive effects of attachments.

I know, those of you reading this will say 'Oh, she must have not met 'the one' yet.'

Well, go to hell with 'the one'.

What? A guy is suppose to make me feel so good about my life?

A guy is suppose to make my day everyday?

Come on! Get a life.

My life does not depend solely on one guy.

Or any guy to be exact.

My commitments for now are for my family, and of course, my life. 

I don't see any other near future commitment.

I don't need a guy to make me feel good about myself. I have friends and family to do that for me.

No, it's not because I have not met 'the right guy'.

Maybe it's just bcz any guy won't be enough for me.

I'm not trying to be a feminist here.

I do need a guy in my life.

But not just any guy.

When the moment comes, I'll be his lawfully wife.

I don't want to depend on a guy who barely even knows his own future, let alone bringing along mine.

I'll be praying for the best for me.

And hopefully it will be worth all the wait.

New Year!

I missed my new year post. Not that I'm really into new year's, but I don't know. I guess it's nice to do some recapping and stating new things for the new year. At least when I look back, I did have something I wanted to look forward to at the beginning of the year. 

I mean, at the end of this year, I'd just see a post that's already 9 days late. And that doesn't give the nice aura it should be giving. Besides, now talking about resolution or hope for this year is not quite relevant. Okay, again, not that I have any kind of resolution or that I even care of having one. It's just the routine of doing it.

I am a believer of all these kinds of things. It's okay if I suck, at least I know that I have something in me that wants something. At least when I look back, I have something to ponder upon. It's like a reflection. What have I done and how much did I change? 

It doesn't make sense to some of you. But to me, it's really important, especially since I do it almost every year. But this year, yeah. I don't know. Maybe I changed? I hope I don't regret this. 

Yes, please

I should not be doing this, but I can't stop myself. Is that a sign?