My mom

"Every night my mom would come in my room, sit next to me and hold my hands.

'Don't get too excited about the world dear. Don't get too excited about love.'

She kisses my forehead, turns off the light and closes the door."

Too early?

Have you ever feel like you're bound to feel that feeling because you're in a situation where, if you don't feel like that, it just doesn't make sense? *ah, I'm not making sense now. -,-

It's not being forced to have a feeling, but it's more like a surrounding kinda thing.

Like, when you have a partner, you're bound to have the feeling of wanting to get married, right? What if you don't really wanna get married? It's gonna be like so weird, right? Why be in a relationship if you don't wanna get married? 

For me, that's not really the question. I mean, sure, when you get into a serious relationship you will have the feeling of wanting to be together and grow old and have grandchildren or whatever, but it doesn't always mean you want to get married, right? aaaaaa~ 

There's a fine line that differentiates between wanting and desiring. 

I'm not sure I wanna get married. I have the one I'm with and I'm really happy. But did I find him a bit too early? It's not like we're rushing things. Hell no. You guys must be thinking like, then why am I fussing about this? Well, I'm just not sure how to feel. I'm not sure how long a relationship can last. I'm not sure of myself. I'm not sure of how I can commit to someone, to something. I still don't believe in marriage.

I have a desire to be with the one I love, but I can't imagine commitments. I'm stuck between responsibilities and desires. I'm stuck between my needs and the needs of other things. ah, 2013 is almost near and this is what i worry about? -,- shessh Meia. 

BIG hug

2012 has come to an end. Wow! and we are all still alive and the world is still spinning. :) Alhamdulillah. Still given the chance to breathe. Well, as how I always say for the past years, this year has been good. Not the best, but good. I managed to make till the end. Every year is rough. I don't know about other people, but i guess I struggle with myself too much. Overthinking too much. ah, when will I ever get over that? 

Anyways, nothing is always good, yet nothing is always bad. We all go thru the same things. Just at different levels. God will always be challenging us, but we have to always remember, God won't test us more than we can handle. Whenever you get too low, remember, God is hoping for you to realize that you're stronger than that. Get up, get straight and do it all over again. Keep moving forward. Stopping at one point won't get you anywhere, won't make things any better. Always, always push yourself. Have faith in God, have faith in yourself.

Farewell 2012. I can't say I hate you, but I don't love you either. You've made me who I am today. 

Welcoming 2013 with a BIG hug. 

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Sheldon

I hate changes. I just wish that when a thing becomes something, it'll stay like that forever. Like when you got into a relationship with that guy. I just love you two together. Haih. And now I have to open Facebook and see you guys not talking together. Even worse, seeing you guys talking to someone else. *sigh* I know it doesn't have anything to do with me, but I just wanna point out the fact that it affects me. You may not be someone really close to me, but you are someone in my life. 

broken

I thank God for all the good things in life. But sometimes I get too carried away with my sadness. But am I to blame? I'm a normal human. I'm fragile.

"They say when a family breaks, the relation never breaks. But have they ever thought of the broken hearts?"

I opened up to have you in, and all you ever do is leave me alone from time to time. thank you.

healing

Think of yourself. 

Other people will get hurt, but they'll heal. If you continue to hurt yourself by satisfying other people, you'll never get the chance to heal. Let go of the burden.

Think of yourself

you can't feel the things you never know

I don't know what you do, what you're up to and how you are. You can't expect me to know things you never tell, things you never care to share. I don't understand not because i don't want to understand, I don't understand because I couldn't. Because you didn't wanna tell. And you expect me to be flexible to that.