Things I wish I could say to you, but never really could. I ended up with only this.

I just wish you knew so many things. Like how lonely I am without you. 

I wish I'm the one you turn to when you need someone, you know. Not anyone else, not any other nonliving objects. Me. 

Oh, how I wish to reach your heart

There are so many things in that small heart of yours.
I wish to touch it.
I wish to explore it.
I want it close to mine.

I hate how memories stick to me like a glue

“Maybe it’s dumb to look for signs from the Universe. Maybe the Universe has better things to do — dear God, I hope it does. Do you know how many signs I’ve gotten that I should or shouldn’t be with somebody, and where has it gotten me? Maybe there aren’t any signs. Maybe a locket is just a locket, a chair is just a chair. Maybe we don’t have to give meaning to every little thing. Maybe we don’t need the Universe to tell us what we really want. Maybe we already know that deep down.”

HIMYM - Ted Mosby

I wish I knew deep down what is what because right now I just can't digest anything. Not in my brain, not in my heart. Maybe deep down I just wanna be alone. Or maybe I'm just so stuck in the past that I get so confused of what's now and what's then. But why is it so hard for me to get closure of my past? Wait, stupid question. Of course I know why. 

You know, the past is so real that whatever is happening now, just can't beat that. I'm afraid to let go of that feeling. I'm afraid that I'll never know how it'll feel again. I'm afraid that, if I let go of my past now, I'd never feel as great as that, ever. But how would I know if I'm not trying to feel the present? 

I hate the word 'if'. It kills people inside. The reason why this is all happening to me is because I can't let go of the thought of 'what if'. I know, the only answer to that question is to go after it. But I don't want that. Because deep down, I know what I want. And if I ask that question, I'll never get what I want. 

I'm a messed up bitch, who is so selfish. I know. 

Just got it from somewhere, but something beautiful to be read.

" You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets. 

You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget. 

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the  beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting.She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her. 

You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to. 

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her. "

Being with me

My oh my

how I wish to be free.

I wish to be set free

In my own body, I'm trapped

My soul is tortured with my own thoughts and feelings

Such a miserable person I am

Having to separate between my conscious,

and dream.

My oh my,

how I wish to sleep away all of this.

I tell myself,

It'll end soon.

Just a little bit more.

Just stay for a little longer.

Everything will turn out fine, baby girl.

Everyone will then realize the mistakes they've done.
And they'll give up.
They'll give up.

We are fated

"Do you even know what fate means? It means that even in a different dimension, if you're sitting in cafe with your friends, I'll be sitting across you and you'll still smile at me and I'd walk straight to you and introduce myself; even if you're sick in bed in the hospital, I'll be the one next to your bed, visiting my sick sister; even if you're a student in my English class, you'll be my favourite student; even if this world is divided into two, I'll be on the same side with you; even if you try to deny this, I'll always believe in our fate. Because love, this is fate, and we are fated."

random bla bla bla

Days like today, Tumblr is my limit. The more assignments I have, the more I reblog on Tumblr. And my limit is when I get limit post on Tumblr. That, my children, is when I know I gots to sleep. :) Life hasn't been that miserable. It's just been so....unhappy. -,- Not really. There's just no more soul left for this semester. I just want to end it already! It's so bad! This semester is so bad. But tonight is worse because internet is so slowwww. Cemana nak berTumblr ni? :/

Anyways, I'm proud of myself today. :) I gots to finish two bloody assignments! Weehuuu~ I was doing assignments for the whole day! And I get to talk about politics too. HAHA. I'm not those politics people, but as I mentioned before, I do have interest in politics. I'm just not really a fan of how it's being implemented. But whatever. I don't do politics in public. Makes me look stupid and clueless. -,-

So, yeah. I'm basically here to rant about anything possible because I'm too lazy to finish up my piles of assignments, but the internet is snailing its way here, so, yeah. I'm here. And now I'm leaving. *sigh* bubbye Earthlings.

Please remember Meia.

At times like this is when you realize that no one can make you happy, but yourself. Don't put your trust or happiness on other people. Don't put hope on other people too. People crush your dreams. If you wanna live, live well. Live for yourself. Live for Allah. 

Where else to turn to if not here?

Right now all I want is to eat! Haih. I hate the fact that I worry so much about my weight, but I can't help myself. Every time I see myself in the mirror I feel like taking a knife and poking it everywhere. I know, some may say I'm just overreacting, but I just can't help myself. I try so hard to lose weight, and gaining them back makes me feel so pathetic. But I can't stop myself from eating too. Oh god, why is it so hard? :( 

But of course I don't starve myself to lose weight. That's plain stupid. I'm trying my very best to lose weight in a healthy way, but it's not easyyyy~ Haih. 

I'm so stressed. Not just about the weight, but everything. I'm such an ungrateful miserable bitch. 

I know that it's not right, but we can't always be right, right?

Have you heard about how music can help people remember better? Or how that it can help heal amnesia? Or how it gives you chills because it reminds you of something?

Well, I haven't been listening to Boyce Avenue for quite some time. Well, a really long time actually! I always do that don't I? So, I suddenly just felt like listening to their new covers. Oh, how frawesome.

Ah, Alejandro's voice brings back so much feelings. So much memories. Not that it's really good because the memories are long lost memories and those that I've been trying to bury since ages. But somehow, it feels so right to hear his voice again; to revisit the place I shouldn't be in. Something so right, shouldn't feel so wrong, right? But oh how he makes me smile.

*sigh*

Baby I will be your everything

Rather than feeling offended, maybe we should be looking upon ourselves. There must be something wrong about what we're doing, what we're saying, what we've done, or what we've said. We can't just simply feel like everyone hates us, right?

Sure, we can't satisfy everyone, but we should be able to make it up to those we've hurt, right? We have to look at the things we've done, the people we've forgotten. And think. Maybe they were hurt because of something we've done or worse, something we didn't do. People don't just suddenly wanna hate you. Everyone wants to feel special, but we're human. We can't always make people feel happy, but we can always try and make them feel like they mean something, especially when they do mean something.

All relationships are complicated. But if someone does mean so much to you, try and make it up.