so many things to say, so little words to express.

i hate the feeling of lonesome. how can you even feel lonely being crowded by people?

the only thing that was visible to me was my hands and my feet. there's so many people but i can't seem to connect with them. i feel like i'm invisible, like out of place. why am i even trying to make myself stand out when people aren't even looking? as i walked past the crowd, no one cared to glance. no one asking whether am i leaving or where i'm going. why?

that one crush

i suppose we all have that one crush that we choose to keep to ourselves. rather than confessing how we feel, we prefer going thru the torture of not being acknowledge. =,= believe me, there's only one crush that'll make you feel such way. and in the end, you still find yourself pondering over that feeling. you're stuck between the fear of being rejected and the fear of losing that one person. yet at the same time, it hurts so much knowing that he's having a great time with someone else. it kills you knowing that he sees right thru you and sees absolutely nothing.

i have one. at first, i tried keeping it cool and just accept the fact that we are friends and that's just how it's gonna be. but then i realized it made things worse. it made me feel smaller, like i don't mean a thing to him except the fact that we're friends. just like how he is with other people. and then we got separated. i thought the distance could actually get my head off the stupid feeling. but i suppose it got worse. at that time i really knew how much i meant to him. how invisible i am and how insignificant i am to him. i couldn't feel any much worse.

that's when i decided to move on. of course that's just impossible. i could never get over him. never. because for all this while, until now, i still find myself going over that feeling. imagining what if..... haih.

but then i knew i just gotta try. and then i found someone who could make me happy, make me feel content and make me feel appreciated. :) someone i wanna be for the rest of my life.

am i over him?

never.

tarawih

Malam pertama :

ganjaran bagi orang yang menunaikan terawih pada malam pertama Ramadhan adalah diampuni dosa-dosa orang yang beriman sebagaimana keadaannya baru dilahirkan. :)

imma try and make it all thirty. i know it's not possible to get all thirty with the 'cuti' and all, but imma try and not leave it on purpose. this month is going to be a good month. :) Amin.

It's Ramadhan

right now, i see people changing. :') and by changing i mean to become a much better person. they all are changing to become someone closer to The Creator. i want to be like them too. i want to change, to become a better person. and i'm trying really hard. it will take time, but good things always take time right? :) i wanna be close to The Almighty and be among the people that He loves.

Ramadhan is a new start, hopefully. pray for me people. :)

special

girls don't want to always be in a relationship. relationship stinks. yeah, i admit that it does. and not all of the girls want to be attached or committed to someone. sure, we fall pretty fast and pretty hard sometimes but it doesn't mean we want to be in a relationship.

here's the thing about feelings. sometimes, we just want to be appreciated and love. we want attention from a certain someone and most likely it would be the person we like. however, that does not require someone to be in a relationship. you don't need to be in relationship to show that you love someone or that he/she is special to you.

sometimes girls just wanna be sure that they are special to that one guy. sure, maybe guys have hard time in committing but it doesn't mean you can't show the some affection to the girl. if she really means something to you but you're still not ready to be in a relationship, at least make her feel that she's different from any other girl friends. girls just need to know that it's worth to be waiting or to be hoping. we are easier in showing affection and care since it is our nature to over care and over think stuffs. and not to forget to fall hard for a guy. =,= but guys, you don't want to be missing the person you could actually be with. you don't wanna lose her just because she chose another guy.

if you're afraid of committing, that's fine. but if you're afraid to confess, then that's your problem. you'll lose an awful lot. but believe me, there's nothing wrong with showing some affection to that one special girl. :) i suppose this goes to the girls too. if the person is special to you, make them know. it's the least you can do. :)

sadis #1

straight to the heart.

over and over again.

you don't need a degree to become a good chef

i was never sure of my future. i never knew what i wanted to be, what course i'm gonna take, what university i wanna be in. i never knew. i just thought i'd follow the flow. where ever it is, or what ever it is, it must be the best. i mean, i definitely did work for it right? that was until after SPM, when we had to fill up the UPU courses. i was stuck. i didn't know what i should do. should i go to the matriculation? TESL? or Diploma? i was freaked out. i suck at Sciences and Mathematics subject. so, matriculation would be a struggle for me. TESL? well, ain't so bad. but the idea of becoming a teacher terrifies me. o.O i had dreadful memories with teachers. would most likely to avoid anything to do with teachers. and yet, life is really irony. i took foundation in TESL. next step to becoming an English teacher. wow. who would've guessed?

i didn't mind learning English. i love English. the problem was trying not to be a teacher. i am still struggling with it. i still can't accept the fact that i'll be a teacher. maybe. InsyaAllah. it's not bad, i just prefer not to. Anyways, finish the foundation, we were needed to fill up another UPU form. this one was tough because then i realized that maybe i wanna take culinary. wait, not maybe. i really wanted to take culinary. i was, for once, sure that i want something. and i wanted to take culinary. i voiced it out, but as expected my parents defied my decision. i felt like crap. :/ i sulked for couples of days. then my mom came to me and said that is not that culinary is not good, it's just that they want me to be secure of my future. get a safe career. she said, "You don't need a degree to become a good chef. you just need a sincere heart and interest in food. get a stable career, then if you want to continue your studies in culinary or to open your own bakery or restaurant, go ahead."

well, parents have their own concerns and thoughts. and i suppose they were right. they just want the best for me. they know better. :) i just kind of felt that at least once, let me do what i really want to do. but then again, there's plenty of time to do what i want. i'm just gonna live the way that is best for me, that makes my parents happy. i pray everyday that i can actually own a bakery. i want to bake till the day i die. :D even if i die of diabetes, at least i died with sweetness within me. HAHA.