that one crush

i suppose we all have that one crush that we choose to keep to ourselves. rather than confessing how we feel, we prefer going thru the torture of not being acknowledge. =,= believe me, there's only one crush that'll make you feel such way. and in the end, you still find yourself pondering over that feeling. you're stuck between the fear of being rejected and the fear of losing that one person. yet at the same time, it hurts so much knowing that he's having a great time with someone else. it kills you knowing that he sees right thru you and sees absolutely nothing.

i have one. at first, i tried keeping it cool and just accept the fact that we are friends and that's just how it's gonna be. but then i realized it made things worse. it made me feel smaller, like i don't mean a thing to him except the fact that we're friends. just like how he is with other people. and then we got separated. i thought the distance could actually get my head off the stupid feeling. but i suppose it got worse. at that time i really knew how much i meant to him. how invisible i am and how insignificant i am to him. i couldn't feel any much worse.

that's when i decided to move on. of course that's just impossible. i could never get over him. never. because for all this while, until now, i still find myself going over that feeling. imagining what if..... haih.

but then i knew i just gotta try. and then i found someone who could make me happy, make me feel content and make me feel appreciated. :) someone i wanna be for the rest of my life.

am i over him?

never.