typical girl

i'm not those sweet, soft-spoken girls. i'm not even one bit close to it. =,= there are days when i regret for who and what i've become: the not sweet, soft-spoken girl. and there will be days when i feel, "eiy, it ain't too bad or too shabby being who i am now". but i still wanna know how it feels being the one liked by people. i mean, the girls who are pretty and when they talk, their face just lit up and their smile makes people say, "aish, lawanya", they automatically have the place in people's heart. people just like them. old, young, boy or girl, they just like these kind of girls. they have charm. well, honestly i've tried being one of them. and obviously, you can see i failed in flying colours. :D

*sigh*

i envy girls who can present themselves prettily and gracefully and inspire people by their gentleness because i can't. even in heaven i don't think i can. =,= you know what gets to me the most? the fact that they aren't even trying to impress people yet they do. all the time! ergh. it is miserable being the black one. i'm not saying that i'm too boyish that i've lost my 'woman grace'. i'm just not the typical girl every guy or people would like. it takes time to actually accept the way i am. and some couldn't accept it at all. =,= i kinda regret not going to grooming class or something. make myself more womanly~

i don't blame my parents. they've tried hard making me stay girlish as they can when i was a child. but since i was hyperactive, they can't put skirts on me. teehee~ so, i owned lotsa pants. and as i grew, i became fond of pants which actually made me kinda tomboyish. i'm just glad i didn't decide to be a guy. :) buuuut, i'm just who i am today. which is not really a bad thing. i just wish to be, you know, a girl. the ones that people can respect as a girl.

welps, i just hope that at least, please Universe, let there be someone who's able to accept me the way i am. fuh.